Non-Negotiables of Christlike Friendship

So rings the less-known second verse to O Holy Night. Christ – born to be our Friend! What a magnificent thought – the incarnate Lord descending from Heaven, not just to save rebels from the wrath that their sin earned, but to go beyond salvation and take those rebels into the embrace of friendship.

Friendship runs thematically throughout the entire Bible and finds its deepest expression in the gospel.

Abraham was called the “friend of God” (James 2:23). The Lord spoke to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend (Ex. 33:11). Christ’s enemies sought to mock him with the wonderful title, “friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Matt. 11:19). And in John 15:9-17, Jesus details all of the affection, intimacy, permanency, commitment, transparency, joy, sacrifice, and loyalty wrapped up in his befriending of us, and what that should mean for our relationships with one another. In verse 12 of that passage, we read, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” And again, in verse 17, “These things I command you, so that you will love one another.”

Christ has befriended us, so we befriend each other. Christ has loved us, so we love each other. We have always aimed at and prayed for the development of deep, long-lasting, and satisfying friendships in the context of The Master’s Fellowship, understanding that from a biblical perspective, these relationships aren’t just something nice to have (i.e. a luxury), but something that is absolutely essential to the minister’s spiritual health and to the health of the churches they lead.

Drew Hunter, in his book Made for Friendship, quotes J.C. Ryle, “This world is full of sorrow because it is full of sin. It is a dark place. It is a lonely place. It is a disappointing place. The brightest sunbeam in it is a friend. Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joys.”

Pastors and ministry leaders who have their troubles halved and their joys doubled through friendship are in a much better position to lead the flocks that the Lord has entrusted to them. That’s our conviction.

But what does that sort of friendship look and feel like? What are the non-negotiables of Christlike friendship?

• First, Christlike friends express loyal love, which, in some sense, covers the rest of the points to follow. Proverbs 18:24 reads, “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother,” and Proverbs 17:17 adds, “A friend loves at all times.” The love of true friendship is not seasonal. It’s not fair-weather. It’s spring-loaded to defend and protect. To rush to aid. When our companions fall out of favor with others, when they’ve been beaten down by ministry difficulty, or are drenched by life’s varied waves, then, the Christlike friend stands closer than a brother. For, where would the Christian be had not his Lord stood by him in his darkest hours?

• Second, Christlike friends are present. Proverbs 27:10 says, “Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” There’s proximity and immediacy communicated here. There’s intimate knowledge of one another’s lives. Christlike friends are near, ready to respond. They’re committed to life together, eating together, praying together, weeping together, celebrating together, enjoying experiences together. We worship Emmanual – God with us, the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14). The nearness of God is, indeed, our good (Ps. 73:28), and there’s nowhere we can escape from His loving company (Ps. 139:7-12). These truths motivate us to be close and in-tune with our friends, to enter into their unique joys, needs, trials, triumphs, and fears.

• Third, Christlike friends are truthful. Proverbs 27:6 coaches us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Faithful friendships, like all things in the Christian life, are built upon the truth. These relationships consist of a steady diet of deep, gentle, gracious, under-the-surface, sometimes-in-your-kitchen conversations that stimulate, challenge, motivate and encourage (“iron sharpens iron” - Prov. 27:17). Sometimes these conversations are sweet (see Prov. 27:9). Often, they’re fun and lighthearted. Sometimes they’re difficult. Christlike friends are not eager to wound, but they are willing should love and truth demand it. Our incarnated Lord and heavenly friend was full of grace and truth, a loving and compassionate friend of sinners, yet ready to challenge sin in all forms and fashions.

• Fourth, Christlike friends are safe. Proverbs 17:9 reads, “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends, and Proverbs 16:28 echoes, “a perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” Christlike friends cover all things like a roof. They don’t give unnecessary publicity to other’s faults and sins. They are able to be confided in. Their predisposition is to give people the benefit of the doubt. They’re known to be constructive, rather than destructive. There’s freedom in their presence to bear one’s whole soul without the fear of judgment. They know the Prince of Peace, with whom and in whom there is no condemnation (Rom. 8:1), and so they bend that spirit out into all of their relationships and friendships.

These are the types of friendships we seek to foster through The Master’s Fellowship: loyal, present, truthful, and safe.

May this new year be full of God’s faithfulness through friendship as you take some time at the very beginning to focus your attention upon the Friend of all friends, Jesus Christ our Lord.